This is an edited version of a blog entry that was originally published on March 8th on my Adventures in Group Sex Blog. You can find the original post here:http://adventuresingroupsex.blogspot.com/2015/03/how-to-find-right-parties-for-you.html
If seems like not a day goes by that I don’t get an email that goes something like this: “Hi I’m John Thingamabob from Whereakawiz and I’m coming to NYC on whateverthedates and I want to go to a party. Which one should I go to?”
My apologies to all of you who have written me such letters that have gone unanswered. The easy response would be for me to just reply back with a snarky “Bitch, I don’t know your life! Read the damn listings and see which one sounds like your thing!” But that wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me so I refrain. On the other hand, I’m afraid I just don’t have enough time in my day to ask all the questions that need to be asked and find out all I need to know to give a helpful answer. What I personally would recommend to you depends entirely on you. What body type are you? What’s your age? What are you into? Jocks? Skinny twinks? Stocky bears? Average-Joes? Leather? White guys, Black guys, Latino guys? Is this your first time or are do have a good amount of experience with group sex? Do you feel more comfortable in a social environment or an anonymous scene? Are you looking for big and crazy or small and intimate? How important is safety to you? Are you averse to getting STDs or are you a “fuck-it, comes-with-the-territory” type of guy who wants to keep your safe sex vs barebacking options open? As you can see, there are a lot of factors and personal preferences to take into consideration when coming up with a recommendation. On the other hand, I realize the weekly list of parties can be overwhelming to someone new to NYC’s sex party smorgasbord, so I’m going to see if I can make it a little easier for you to find the right party for you to lose your group sex cherry on by suggesting you take the following steps:
Step #1: Use the guide below these steps to find a party that is closest to what is right for you.
Step #2: Go to it. Go in with a strong sense of what your rules and boundaries are, and with a sense of determination that you will stick to them. Remember you never have to do anything you are not comfortable with doing. You can just watch, or you can get involved as little or as much as you are comfortable with. If someone is being aggressive and trying to get you to do something you are not comfortable with doing, let them know you are not interested. If they continue to bother you, move it along and let the host know.
Step #3: Talk to other party-goers, especially the type of guys you are most interested in. Don’t try talking to them in the areas where guys clearly are concentrating on more “non-verbal communication” but don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation while you are getting undressed or dressed, or in the “break area” if there is one. Find out if they’ve been to other parties, which ones they like and why. The “why” is especially important because it will give you an idea as to whether his tastes in parties may be similar to yours and to whether you may like the same thing. When listening to others’ opinions on parties remember that context is everything. Comments like “it’s mostly old fat men” will likely mean something different coming from a 19 year old 100 lbs twink then a 35 year-old bear so keep in mind who this opinion is coming from. Ask questions like “How old?” “What do you mean by fat?” to try to get a better picture of what kind of crowds the other guy is talking about. After all, one guy’s “old fat man” could be another guy’s “beefy daddy.” Similarly, if someone says “I like so-and-so-party. It’s full of hot guys” try to get more specific details from him. What is his idea of “hot guys?” It may not be the same as yours, so it’s important to ask questions. The more specific info you get from your fellow party-goers, the better an idea you will have as to what other parties may tickle your libido.
Step #4: Once you’ve got some recommendations that appeal to your personal tastes then go check those parties out. Rinse and repeat. And soon you’ll have your own personal favorites that will be near and dear to your hard-on.
To get you started on the right track I’ve broken down some of the city’s more popular parties by categories below and then explain the differences between them to try to help guide you toward what would be the most appropriate first choice for you. Once you have been to one or two, don’t be afraid to try some of the city’s less popular parties not listed below if someone who’s taste seems similar to yours recommends one. Some of the hottest times I have had have been with intimate groups of 5 to 15 guys at some lesser known parties. But for your first one you’ll probably want to go with something more established like one of the ones listed below. To start off, I’ve broken them up into three categories: “Selective” parties, “Bear” parties and “General Crowd” parties. I then go on to separate them into subcategories to explain the differences between them.
Selective Parties
(for average to athletically fit guys)
If you are between the age of 18 and 45 and in decent (meaning no belly) to great shape and are looking for the same, the choices include PRIVATE PARTY, MEN’S DEN, GBU (Golden Boys USA), NYJP (New York Jock Party), and NUBIAN DUKES.
Safety First: Selective Safe Sex Parties
Although there used to be quite a few “Selective” entries in the Safe Sex category, if you are interested in parties with the lowest risk of STD transmission, your choices are now down to PRIVATE PARTY and MEN’S DEN. Not that these are bad choices mind you. They personally are among my favorites. Here are the differences:
The Crowd – Here is where the parties most differ because the men at these two gatherings are quite the contrast from each other. Personally, I get bored easily with just one “type” of guy, so I quite enjoy the variety of men these two parties attract. But being that this may be your first one and everyone has their preferences, here is the (possibly overly-simplistic) breakdown: If you are into twinks, clean-cut businessmen, metrosexuals and a mostly vanilla (i.e. White) crowd, PRIVATE PARTY would be your choice. If you are more into the blue-collar scruffy and tattooed masculine types, hipsters, and a more racially diverse crowd, MEN’S DEN would be your choice.
The Size – PRIVATE PARTY is a huge party regularly attracting over 100 guys. So if you are looking for that “BIG” NYC sex party experience, go with PRIVATE PARTY. MEN’S DEN is a more intimate party held in hotel suites and apartments and can have anywhere from 20 to 40 guys at them depending on the space, so if you are looking for something more akin to a house party turned orgy then MEN’S DEN would fit the bill. Both PRIVATE PARTY and MEN’S DEN are good for the first-timer because of their safe and friendly environments, but I would give the slight edge to MEN’S DEN for being a little more personal and a bit less overwhelming and intimidating for a first-timer than PRIVATE PARTY.
“Selective” Non-Safe Parties
If you’d rather leave your options open regarding safe sex and barebacking, then GBU, NUBIAN DUKES, or NYJP would be for you. NUBIAN DUKES and NYJP host parties in Midtown about twice a month and GBU hosts two separate monthly parties in Brooklyn: the COLLEGE KEGGER party with a watersports theme, and the non-watersports RUSH Party. GBU and NYJP also co-host the monthly BOXERS NOR BRIEFS party together. NUBIAN DUKES has always had an open policy regarding safe sex and barebacking as far as I know. The GBU and NYJP parties used to be safe sex parties but now barebacking is allowed at them as well. I always feel obliged to remind my readers that parties with condom-less sex = a higher chance of STDs getting spread around (you can read more about the risk of sex parties in my blog post on the subject) so attend these parties at your own risk. The differences between them?
The Crowd – The biggest difference here quite frankly is race. The crowds at GBU and NYJP are overwhelmingly White (and I've heard comments from Men of Color who have felt somewhat excluded from the action at these parties) while the crowd at NUBIAN DUKES is exclusively Black and Latino (no White guys allowed). So if you are a White guy into Black or Latino guys, I’m afraid you’re a bit out of luck in the mixed safe sex/bareback category for fit guys (although you will find options later in the “General Crowd” section). If White guys are your thing and you are looking at GBU and NYJP, the main difference between those two would be the age of guys attending. The GBU parties are strictly for guys 18 to 30 (with exceptions made to men in their early 30s in great shape) while NYJP (like PRIVATE PARTY and MEN’S DEN) is open to a larger variety of ages from 18 to 40s (although the guys in their 40s at these parties tend to be few-and far-between, and the ones that are there are in great shape). Of course you could always attend their BOXERS NOR BRIEFS party and have a taste of both crowds.
The Size – GBU’s KEGGER and RUSH parties are easily the winners here. With an average of over 200 guys, they are NYC’s biggest parties. NUBIAN DUKES and NYJP are no small potatoes themselves, with their crowds ranging from 50 to over 100. But keep in mind with the mixed safe sex/bareback parties that size does indeed matter in more ways than one. It’s like that old Faberge commercial where “they tell two friends, then they tell two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on..” and so it is with STDs at sex parties. Larger crowds means more guys coming in with them, and the exposure is multiplied over and over as they get passed along, especially when some of the guys aren't using protection. So obviously when it comes to parties without strict safe sex policies, the bigger the crowd, the higher the risk. The combination of the large unmonitored crowds along with the lack of strong safe sex policies would make these parties only good first-time choices to the most stalwart and experienced of sexual adventurers.
BEAR PARTIES
If you are a bear, cub, chub or “chaser” (into bears, cubs and chubs), your choices include BRUIN BUDDIES, BEEF, THE BEAR PARTY and BEARCAVE. But which one to feed your appetite for the big and hairy?
Safety first: Safe Sex Bear Parties
If you want to feel more secure about not walking out with anything you didn’t walk in with, your choices are BRUIN BUDDIES and BEEF. Both are monthly parties and although they both are for the bear crowd, that is pretty much where the similarities end. Here are the main differnences...
The Venue – BRUIN BUDDIES is located in a basement in Park Slope, Brooklyn and has more of a “sex club” vibe so if you are in the mood for something with a bit more of a “hardcore” feel, you will find it there. In fact as far as sex-club-type spaces go, it's the most interesting one in the city with slings, beds and a maze of corridors, booths and gloryholes. BEEF is held in hotel suites in Midtown so it has a more "comfy" vibe. The complimentary drinks and social atmosphere also makes it feel like you are more at a "party" as opposed to a sex-club.
The Crowd – BRUIN BUDDIES draws mostly a White crowd in their 40s and up, though you will find a few exceptions. BEEF attracts a fairly young crowd for a bear party, with the majority of guys in their 20s (although there are some “daddies” in their 40s and 50s as well). The BEEF crowd is also quite racially diverse and usually has a fairly equal number of Black, Latino, and White guys there with a few Asian and Middle Eastern as well.
Non-safe Bear Parties
If you are a bear or into bears and want to keep your safe sex vs barebacking options open, Midtown has two for you to choose from: THE BEAR PARTY and BEARCAVE. I haven’t been to either one since I no longer attend “mixed” parties, but the emails I've been getting over the past few months suggest that they both used to be the same party co-hosted by two hosts that have now parted ways and have separated into two parties that are now more-or-less at the same time (weekly on Sunday afternoons) and vying for the same audience. So there may not be much of a difference here other than the location and vibe. If you prefer a dungeon-type atmosphere in Chelsea, head to THE BEAR PARTY. If you prefer a duplex on the East side in the Gramercy area, head to BEARCAVE.
General Crowd Parties
If you fall somewhere in between “Jock” and “Bear” and are looking for a party with a more “average Joe” kind of crowd, then you have a rather large number of parties to choose from, but the more established longer running ones would probably be a good place for you to start. These include MEATPACKERS, NEW YORK JACKS, PEAK, JACKS OF COLOR and ENCORES. These parties have a fairly open admission policy so they can attract a wide range of “types” from young twinks to mature, from gym body to obese. If you have a wide range of tastes, then you will find a little bit of everything at these parties.
Safety first: The Safe Sex General Crowd Parties
If you’d rather take “baby steps” into the world of group sex parties instead of diving right in and would like to start off with something less “wild” and more “mild,” the NEW YORK JACKS jack-off party might be just the right party for you. The group is well-established and has been doing parties twice a week (on Sundays and Tuesdays) for as long as I can remember, and since there is no oral or anal allowed, there’s less pressure and it’s about as safe as you can get.
If however, you really want a lot more “sex” in your first sex party experience, you might want to check out MEATPACKERS which is held in the same basement "dungeon" in Park Slope, Brooklyn as the BRUIN BUDDIES bear party. Although it is a safe-sex party, it otherwise can get pretty hardcore so if you are looking for an "edgy" vibe you will find it there.
Non-safe General Crowd Parties
If you want to keep your safe sex vs bareback options open, your best bets in the “General Crowd” category would be PEAK, ENCORES, and JACKS OF COLOR.
PEAK is the more intimate of the bunch held in a private Duplex apartment in Chelsea, and can attract anywhere from 15 to 40 guys. Even though the host calls this a "safe-sex party" he readily admits that he doesn't enforce a safe-sex policy and allows guys to bareback if they want, so this party is in fact a mixed party.
ENCORES and JACKS OF COLOR are bigger to-dos. They are both held in the same space, which has a dungeon feel to it (it doubles as a straight S&M club throughout the week). and are both reliable regarding attracting a good amount of guys to each party (usually 70 or more), but they both serve very different purposes that you need to be well aware of before you attend, and I’m sure those will dictate which one you might want to start off with.
ENCORES is basically an “After Hours” party for those looking to get off after a night on the town, thus the 3am to 6am party time on Friday and Saturday nights (technically Saturday and Sunday morning). So a lot of the guys will either be intoxicated, or looking to take advantage of the intoxicated. Thus pickpocketing and overly aggressive behavior can be a problem here. So if you go, make sure you check all of your valuables as soon as you get inside and be prepared to fend off some rather undesirable characters. Perhaps for those reasons alone, it might not be the best party for a first-timer, unless you either go with a friend who can keep an eye on the proceedings and help you get out of awkward situations, or you are already “street-smart” and experienced with dealing with pushy desperados that don’t know how to take “No” for an answer. That said though, the party is reliable with drawing a good mix of guys every weekend, and there is never a shortage of sex there. And if you are still not sure about how you would feel being naked in a room full of guys, this party might be a good start for you because this is one of the very few where clothes check is optional, so you can keep all your clothes on the whole time if you so desire. But again, just make sure you empty your pockets as soon as you walk in the door or they will be emptied for you while you are being distracted by that amazing blowjob.
JACKS OF COLOR (also known as J.O.C.) is a party for Men of Color “and their friends,” so unlike the previously mentioned NUBIAN DUKES parties, White guys are allowed to attend. Just keep in mind, however, that this is primarily a party for Men of Color who what to meet and play with other Men of Color, so if you are a White guy going in, please be respectful of that. If I even need to explain to you what that means, then this probably is not going to be the right party for you. However, if you are a Man of Color into other Men of Color, or a White guy who is into Men of Color and respectful about it, this can be a very hot party. And if you are a first-timer, make sure you introduce yourself to the host Lidell and his staff. I’ve always found them to be gracious, and willing and able to put newbies at ease. In fact J.O.C. was actually my first sex party. And look how I turned out.
So I believe that is just about it – my Not-So-Quick Guide on finding the right party for you.
Now go out and have some great group sex.
And let’s all be careful out there!
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